If you haven't hit double digits in age it is okay to believe in fairy tales including the one about the gray bearded fat man and his flying sleigh. But what about full grown adults, do they also have their own tales? Tales so powerful that an entire adult population does not dare question. I am referring to the adult fairy tales of the holiday season. According to these scriptures, the season is about shopping, more shopping, gifts and I'll even throw in giving to charity to stir the pot. Who is responsible for these tales? The benefactors of the frenzy of course, as I like the call them, the motivated few. This includes, retailers, uncle Sam, investors and of course homeless people. This group of selfish, greedy bastards have managed to tell us all a very convincing holiday tale, and just like the kids and their fat man stories, we don't just believe the tales we live by it.
We have been informed that the holiday season is the season to spend money on things we either can't afford, and/or don't really need not just for ourselves but for everyone we know to the detriment of ourselves and everyone we know. You can never underestimate the power of an intelligent, motivated few over a herd of gullible idiots. We all individually have to make a choice, am I going to be the motivated few, a gullible idiot or a entertained observer like me.
Did you know that for retailers 25% of all sales and 60% of all profits materialize during the holiday season (the 4 week period between Thanksgiving and Christmas)? Now who is ripping off who with those huge holiday "sales". This is great business for everyone on the receiving ends of the dollars. The gullible idiots just have spend the rest of the year and for some their lives paying for their actions.
I have been on a personal crusade to end those moronic holiday jewelry commercials that do nothing but insult the male and female intelligence. But really I cannot blame the jewelry stores for their holiday marketing strategy because it very effective. 30% of all jewelry sales are made during a 4 week span! This has to be the ultimate in brainwashing because these jewelry stores spend all their holiday ad dollars advertising during sporting events and cordoning off time blocks on Spike TV in an effort to get the male attention. While watching OTL today on ESPN, a 30 minute show, I counted 6 jewelry spots. Well, that's weird because the eventual wearer of the jewelry is not watching OTL on ESPN at 10AM EST. Is there any other product where so much marketing is targeted towards the demo that doesn't use the product in hopes that they purchase it for the demo that does. This would be like selling AARP magazine subscriptions at a Community College. I mean the kids all have grandparents right? There is another argument here about the brainwashing of men in general but you can see my engagement ring rant for that.
So lets talk about that holiday gifting myth. Its the holiday season, a time buy your friends and relatives things they don't really need or want just because that's what you have to do. Where did this nonsense come from? Why has holiday gift shopping talk replaced the weather as the go to smalltalk? Well some say it stems from the 3 wise men presenting gifts to baby Jesus. OK so that explains baby showers. Still doesn't explain the madness that ensues once we put down the turkey leg. It is my theory that most of the madness is not because humans are intrinsically predisposed to want to overspend on other people but because we have been brainwashed into thinking this is necessary and overall a good idea. What % of gifts you received during the crazy season would you admit that a) you will never use or b) you will never purchase at the price that the person paid for it. In economic terms, this results in something called "dead weight loss". Simply explained: Aunt Mary pays $100 for your Adidas sneakers but you're really a Nike guy so the shoes are only with $60 to you, the dead weight loss in this case will be $40.
Part of the problem is that we are not as good at shopping for other people as we think we are. It is very likely that the Clay Aiken CD you got for your cousin isn't worth more than 95 cents to her although she has a smile painted on her face as she realizes its not Hannah Montana. What if you just gave her $16, she will have a Hannah Montana CD and a real smile but the idea of the entire family gathering around the tree to exchange money orders will expose the absurdity of the whole exercise. If you insist on gifts, cash, in my opinion is more reasonable but I am told its cold and uninspired.
Alright, alright, I know... its the sentiment that counts. Gifts bring friends and families closer and that makes up for everything. Its really not about liking or not liking what you get, its the thought that counts. Oh boy have thoughts gotten expensive lately. Americans spend more than $5B attempting to guess what someone else would want every holiday season. The average adult spends more than $1000 on thoughts and the fact that most of that is wasted does not matter. The thought may count for something but the stampede at the mall during the holiday shopping season indicates there's more at work. If it was just the thought that counted then lets go back to exchanging small tokens gifts rich in sentiment and but cheap in price. Hand written letters come to mind but I'm sure there are other cheap options. You probably know of relatives, or may be you are those relatives, who are up to their eyeballs in debt but spend hundreds on Christmas thoughts for the entire family only to turn around and ask for a loan to pay rent in February. Now that's a horrible thought.
I believe we buy expensive gifts first and foremost because we have been coerced into doing so by the motivated few. But there are other factors. First, no one wants to look too cheap, that's just not cool according to the motivated few. Secondly, and more importantly, because the concept of shopping for someone else no matter how close you are to them is more or less like fishing in the dark so we buy something expensive to counteract the bad choices we're about to make. Every year books go unread, and sweaters are involved in laundry "accidents" but the madness goes on.
Now to the pot I stirred earlier. How about giving to the poor? Doesn't that create value for them? Sure it does but most of gifts exchanged are not exactly of this variety. We as a society spend much less on gifts for the have-nots than gifts for the have-much. Every holiday season there are gift drives and food drives for the less fortunate and I always ask myself this. Do poor people eat exclusively during the holiday season? Are they like grizzle bears? Do they gain body fat after Thanksgiving so that they can fast the rest of the year until we remember them again next season or if they're lucky a hurricane sweeps by?
Finally, to my central reason for writing this, I will like to propose a ban on the holiday gifting nonsense for one year ... just one year ... as a trial run to see if a plague would ensue as a result. For once lets all give the gift of love and attention. Lets listen to real needs of the people we love instead of the annual message of the motivated few. For one holiday season, lets eat, drink and enjoy each other's company without filling up the local land fill or creating more business for Guardian Storage across the street. Would it be okay if next year everyone can enjoy the gift of not having to get in debt or get trampled at the mall? Lets change it up all little just for one year.
As one who bleeds capitalism and preaches free pursuit of riches under prevailing laws of the land, I understand the positive impact of the holiday message on the economy and jobs. If we all acted with some rationality, yes there might be a short-term negative effect as the economy reallocates resources but I'm not naive enough to think I can change the nation. However if I can touch one family my job is done. Hence, in your own family group take a minute and reflect on your actions during the holidays. Do you really need to or want to buy/receive all those gifts? What exactly does the holiday spirit mean to you?
Until next time normals ... Merry Christmas to all and to all please shut up!
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