Bulletin Board Material

This week's mcnugget of wisdom
Working out at lunch time is actually more doable than you think especially if your gym is within 10 minutes and your labor union has negotiated at least a one hour lunch break. It also helps if you have mastered the art of the 30 second shower by the sink. Obiviously, you can't make a living getting it on during the lunch time but sometimes if a quickie is all you can have its better than nothing.

In other mcnugget news, did you know that at McDonald's, four chicken mcnuggets are $1 on the dollar menu but 10-piece meal with just the nuggets is $3.39. As first reported on "Au Contraire, Mon Fraire!", there appears to be a loophole here. We're forecasting a secondary black market in chicken mcnuggets in the next quarter (pounder) or two.


Why would secretly taping a phone conversation I began by asking a father about his sick son and playing it the next day for the whole world to listen to while I gulp down bottled water with a smirk on my face make me look slimy?
See this is exactly why I hate it when people call me up and go "hi, how are you doing?, how's the family? how's Zoey?". The problem is I usually have to reply with the same phony questions when neither of us could careless. If I really cared, I'd visited or something. Sometimes I care but not nearly as often as everyone else seems to care.

No one ever calls just to see how the family is doing, if they did the conversation shouldn't carry on for 17 minutes or so and deteriorate into situations where you have to say "What do you want me to do?" 21 times and offer to go to jail about half a dozen times before deciding to sue or counter sue depending on who's lawyer has the quicker blackberry thumb.


This guy with out of town plates patrols the perimeter of my house in an old school Hum-vee wearing his Sunday-best camouflage, and concealing what could be an automatic rifle or my long lost schitzu, Zoey. Doesn't bother me one bit. Anytime now, he'll be returning Zoey.
Last Sunday ... after service I presume ... the US Navy destroyer the USS Hopper decides to make a quick run for peperoni pizza and wings through the Strait of Hormuz or as I like to call it "the-body-of-water-bordering-Iran-where-all-the-gas-in-your-lawnmower et. al.-came-from". Well the crazy Iranians didn't think that was kosher not so much because of the peperoni but because you see... they don't appreciate US destroyers in their backyards. So water was splashed around and naturally your mama jokes follow. No big deal right? Well no. The problem is that the unwelcome visitors seemed to be the ones that had their boxer briefs entangled a little more. President Bush weighed in the next day:

It is a dangerous situation. They should not have done it, pure and simple. I don't know what their thinking was, but I'm telling you what my thinking was. I think it was a provocative act.

and then he added

He he he he he

OK lets flip the script ... say the Iranians decide to sail down to the greater Cancun region in a big ol destroyer ship during spring break. No big deal right? They're totally minding their own business just patrolling international waters and observing our nation's future leaders in training. Now after a confrontation with the coast guard the peeping Iranians retreat. The next day President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran is quoted as saying

It is a dangerous situation. They should not have done it pure and simple. I don't know what their thinking was, but I'm telling you what my thinking was. Those kids were clearly hammered, a mechanical bull is no place for some umm...habba habba. If you know what I'm saying.

and of course

He he he he he

Wait... we're in the United States of America, right? ... we are encouraged to rip the President and his foreign policy, right? Land of the free and home of the Whopper, no?

So you're saying walking it off is not an option?
The Titans injury report for the wild card game against the San Diego Chargers contained an eyebrow raising status for former longhorn TE Bo Scaife.

Bo Scaife OUT (liver)

Unfortunately Bo took a big body blow in the week before against the Colts but my first thought when I saw his status was ... Bo knows beer.


Hey, would you know where I can relax on a couch with a some music in the air, may be read a magazine and powder up afterwards?

Oh yeah, have you tried the restroom?
Fellas, have you ever been to ladies room at your job? Well I haven't either but I know someone who frequents them. Oh that's fine she has a going problem. My source tells me that the ladies restrooms at my place of employment are more equal than the men's restrooms in the same building. I have gathered that inside the women's restroom the clientele enjoy amenities such as soft cushy couches, current magazines, music, a powder area and an attendant who's job is to utter "Your skin is glowing today!", "What do you mean your thighs are fat? I don't see it" and "Is that a new haircut? It looks great!" on a loop as the ladies arrive and depart. I'm working on verifying the powder area claim, that one in particular seems a little embellished.

Basically the only thing the men's room has over the women's room are urinals and signs that say "Please wash your hands". Seriously fellows, are we okay with this? I find it a little curious that such contrasting experiences are offered at restrooms in the same building owned by the same corporation but differentiated along gender lines. Obi 6'4 230lbs The voice in the Wilderness has taken on the task of creating more awareness for the disparate facilities offered at ladies and gentlemen's rooms across this country. I will be grilling steak and potatoes in front of Walmart to raise money for the cause. Hurry they're getting cold already.

I will now make a strong case for bathroom integration by 2010 since separate is inherently unequal and thus unconstitutional. In 1954 Brown v. Board of Education overturned the "separate but equal" clause established by Plessy v. Ferguson in 1886 ... umm ... too strong? am i pushing it? Ok... but really whats the big problem with integrating bathrooms? Who stands to lose anything? Please tell me. With urinals no one has to worry about seats being left up. I don't see a problem here. I really think this could work.


Until next time numskulls ... lets not pull a liver.