So as the early morning sun warms the cold reality sets in... What is Elliot Spitzer thinking at this point boys and girls?
A) F**k I'm not dead or at least dreaming
B) F**k I'm f**ked!
C) F**k "The Governor" wasn't a good alias.
D) F**k I don't have enough for a comb over.
Pencils up.
The most prevalent question so far is how could a hard-nosed, ex-prosecutor and governor of the state responsible for half the wire taps in the country be this careless. This is a man that once said "Never talk when you can nod, and never nod when you can wink, and never write an e-mail because it's death. You're giving prosecutors all the evidence we need." Well, he should’ve also discouraged showing your famous face to a prostitute unless you happen to own a voodoo doll of her or its the one you're married to. How can he not know it was a matter of when not if? Well, the answer is easy (more on that later).
However, deep inside every guy, if they'd be honest with you, is more interested in things like the stats of the Kristen babe. They say she's 5'5 and 105lbs, brunette and very "American" ... at least he buys American. How is the 105lbs distributed? Does anyone have a photo ... preferably one in which she’s dressed for the beach?
Would I pay $43, $4300 or $43,000,000 for 2.5 hours with lovely Kristen? What's she like? Is she funny? Which out of reach profession is she interested in? Other questions include ... Did he explore slightly cheaper alternatives like a mistress? Was he in a lucha libre mask the entire time to avoid recognition? If so does the reference to unsafe requests by "Client 9" refer to flying clotheslines?So at up to $5000 per hour and up to $31000 volume discount daily rates, what else do you get for your money? Do they hang around afterwards and fix you a tuna melt and chicken soup? What is the difference between a 7 diamond and 3 diamond chic on the Emperor Club scale? If you're a 3 diamond girl is there any hope for a date with Crowned Prince Hamza or are you relegated to servicing clients paying with a gift card? How versatile is the diamond scale? Can it be applied to chics at the bar? How does it compare to the BCS as a measuring stick?
Those are the honest-to-god burning questions you and I have silently contemplated.
The number sounds pricey, but actually results of my informal polls show that in all honesty if you've been married long enough $4300 appears to be a fair price given the raging pent up demand. Really everything boils down to simple laws of demand and supply. As a happily married friend of mine with many decades in captivity ... i mean marriage...whispered to me as the news broke "$4,300? That’s it? I'd like to bid higher". That’s one pure honest opinion.
So what was he thinking? It has been very well documented that Elliot Spitzer wrote the book on sting operations taking down the Gambino family with the very same sword he's resting on. It is also well known that Spitzer is a Princeton graduate and Harvard Law School alumni. What I am trying to say here is, he's probably smarter than you are given the fact that you're ... well... reading this. However all those observations regarding his intelligence apply to just one of his of two decision centers ... there is another that all men share which is hardly college educated.
See any man with a true sense of his own vulnerabilities will refrain from throwing rocks at the fallen governor. History is littered with examples of intelligent pious men who have fallen victim to Achilles heel north. When the opposite sex or sex is involved all bets are off and I say that for all the men out there sitting in their glass houses and hauling stones at Spitzer. I do not believe any guy is secure enough to cast a rock at the embattled governor. Yes we are all for punishment to the fullest extent of the law where laws were broken but self-righteousness and moral high-grounding is dangerous ... leave that to women who are better equipped to remain reasonable under the influence so to speak.
When a brethren falls like this, you thank your lucky stars its not you because you're no better than he is. When the little head is busy all men are truly created equal. You cannot stare at a dead man and say "Holy cow, what was he thinking everyone knows you should get a prostate exam once a year after you turn 50. In fact, I'm just coming from a colonoscopy". No you mourn his death and thank God for a healthy prostate ... so far.
Can anyone think of a female public figure linked to a sex scandal? I can't, doesn't exist. The rib God took from Adam to create Eve also contained the emergency shut off value for our libido.
But what a team player Mrs. Spitzer was to show up at the presser standing by her husband while the world tries to figure out why Spitzer would pay thousands to be away from her. Have you noticed that beside every disgraced public figure is a decent looking middle aged woman spotting a pant suit and pearl necklace (by the way, how do you think the reason for divorce would read " blah blah blah irreconcilable differences. For instance, we have deep rooted philosophical differences on the family budget as it relates to hookers") I have been tough on women in the past so here's some dap for showing loyalty when you should be halfway through impaling your husband. Anyway she did maintain the classic "Jesus Christ! I'm only here with this mule so it doesn't look like the insiders are dumping shares already" face ... by the way, I am net short Spitzer at this time.
