Boston Red Sucks

First post of the new year. Yay? Everyone has already wished you Happy New Year by now so I'm not going to pile on. Before I get on with the business of the day, a few loose shingles.

Not your father's resolutions
Actually there's only one... I will transform from Obi 6'4 230 The Voice in the Wilderness to Obi 6'4 220 The People's Champ. Last time someone yelled from the wilderness he got to baptize Jesus Christ but he was also beheaded soon after. Here is the execution plan
- Eat 4 small healthy portions daily as opposed to 1 big portion prior to lifting and a small one afterwards.
- Incorporate cross training into the cardio and weights routine
- To become the people's champ basically less writing and more doing. For example not just rip engagement rings here but stalk a jewelry store and spread the gospel to unsuspecting spineless drones.

Wide left
Its the end of the NFL regular season, soon the competition committee will be getting together to protect the fans from an overdose of fun loving receivers with more TD celebration rules. I heard they were testing out a similar rule to the illegal motion rule but in this case only one player can be in motion after a TD. I believe Moroney signed up for the beta version after the Moss TD. I also hear that if time permits they will look into the late timeout kicker freezing move pioneered by Mike Shanahan. Seriously, why does everyone assume that its to the disadvantage of the kicker. If Janikowski missed the FG that was nullified due to a timeout and made the second we would never have heard of this issue at all. Its a 50-50 proposition no one knows what will happen to the kick at the moment time is called.

Cashing in
My dear readers we've been together for about a month now so I feel like this is a good time to disclose my interest in ... yeah ... Jessica Alba. She is currently #1 on my polls and in deference to Jessica the next on the list is number #6 but it looks like when the new polls come out next Monday we might have movement. See it appears there's been a violation. Cash Warren, the bastard (you say boyfriend I say bastard and we call it even, ok?) thought he'd dig a hole on sacred grounds and plant his seed. Call the neighbors and hide the women and children, Jessica Alba is with child people! Couldn't you guys wait for Rosie O'Donnell to deliver and then use her as a surrogate? **Pressing earpiece to ear** Sorry I am being told Rosie is actually not pregnant. That was awkward. This is like buying a brand new Mercedes SL 500 and taking it offroading the same day. What's this guy thinking? What the heck, its only the hottest woman in the universe, in 9 months she'll look like Vince Wilfork. Cash Warren should at least get probation and community service for this. May be for community service he'll be assigned to present to a group of less fortunate men on what it was like.



Alright ... here we go

I spent 6 days of my holiday vacation in the greater Boston region and I'm guessing I will not be asked back after I'm done ripping the city and everyone in it. I guess this blog used to be huge in Boston.

First lets start with the natives. I have nothing against liberals, or geeks or yuppies but the problem is Boston is 90% comprised of them and 10% Patriots and Redsox fans. When it comes to your prototypical liberal yuppy activity, Boston takes the locally sourced, organic, vegan cake. There is not a more homogeneous city in the nation.

To wind down Bostonians hang out at dainty coffee shops drinking chai tea and listening to a foreign language CD. Now if they wanted to really party, may be a game of chess and a glass of red wine. There is pretty much one McDonalds in the greater Boston region but you'd have to fight the animal and labor rights activists to get in and if you did get in, well you better know how to use chop sticks to eat fries.

Unfortunately that scant McDonalds is one of the few culinary establishment that serves anything remotely American. The city is overrun by Indian, Middle Eastern, Korean, Japanese, Malaysian, Ethiopian, Greek, East European, and Brazilian, restaurants most of them have menus so confusing that I ended up ordering Julius Cesar's head on a platter at a Greek restaurant ... all I wanted was a cesar salad. I challenge you to locate a normal full portioned good ol' American restaurant in Boston within 48 hours of your arrival into the city. The yuppies don't eat American anymore. You will get hit with a NY times weekend edition if you protest the extinction of IHOP at the endangered species fundraiser.

I cannot totally vouch for the accuracy of this statistic but take my word for it that there is a 100 - 1 ratio of Museums to fitness centers in Boston. Visiting museums appears to be such a popular past time in the city that the line for folks who have museum memberships was longer than the line for the low-brow idiots that don't at the entrance to the Museum of Science the day after Christmas. Nature walks apparently is the official state exercise.

The natives are annoying enough in Boston but have you check out the town itself? Its dirtier than your average large city and parking is not just scarce but impossibly complicated for the non-Harvard educated. Here's Wikipedia on Boston's roads:

Downtown Boston's streets are not organized on a grid, but grew in a meandering organic pattern beginning early in the seventeenth century. They were created as needed, and as wharves and landfill expanded the area of the small Boston peninsula. Along with several rotaries, roads change names and lose and add lanes seemingly at random...

Yup even the roads are organic.

Granted I did not get to see the entire city because it was cold but I will stand by my assessment of the people of Boston. Obviously there a lot more to a historic city like Boston beyond foreign restaurants and parking but I'd let other more sophisticated bloggers address those cultural and historic sites.


So until next time my friends please observe a moment of silence for the dearly departed hot Jessica Alba.

Terms and Conditions of Service

I understand my smile and easy-go-lucky, live-and-let-live libertarian personality can trick women into thinking I will be a blast to be with hence I have drawn up a terms of service document which must be ratified and signed by all prospects. The document expresses the darker side of this tall, dark and handsome pain in the ass aka yours truly.

Consider yourself warned!

The Cardinal Rule

I do not negotiate with terrorists.
Any use of force or threats explicit or implicit, passive or aggressive applied towards coercing me into doing anything that I am not under contract to do will most likely result in a negative response. Only parents, cops and bosses are allowed to force or threaten me into things that I don't want to do. Everyone else must follow the polite process of gaining favor by convincing or negotiating with me. Any form of threatening retaliation after a negative response from me will be considered a terrorist act. Likewise, I will approach the negotiating table very much like Gandhi.

The 20 Commandments .... in order of relative importance

Freedom fighter
The most common cause of death for folk heroes accross many cultures is the pursuit of freedom and self determination. I value my freedom very much. Freedom to pursue my hobbies, freedom to selectively grow up, freedom to pursue happiness, and freedom to do nothing. If my freedom is to compromised it must be my choice to do so. You are not the boss of me or a ruthless dictator so you should not threaten my freedoms because I don't plan to threaten yours. We are all entilted to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

World Peace? I am in favor
"Conflict" is defined as emotionally charged angry exchanges where one or both parties have an interest in negatively impacting the other. I do not like conflicts/fights. If you're looking to fight about everything, I will be at a peace rally. If you do manage to start something before I leave for the rally do not expect me to return to normalcy for at least 36 - 48 hours. Every fight permanently kills a little piece of the golden goose. Please refrain from endangering our golden goose without cause.

Not on the job market
You don't owe me anything and I do not owe you anything. I am not your mother or father. Everything I do for you and to you is because I want to not because I have to. If there comes a time when I have to do things then you become a job, I am already gainfully employed thank you!

Come to me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest ... or not
If you are needy, dependent and require to be assured that you look great or you're #1 in the polls then I suggest you find a welfare program that can help you. I rip your kind on my blog.

No child's play
I don't want kids now or ever, you can't convince me otherwise even if you are trying to do so without violating the cardinal rule. I am not interested in messing with my freedoms or ruining your physique. Additionally, there is a very good chance I will leave an infant in the dryer by mistake. I believe the human race will do just fine without my genes in the pool.

About that one addiction
She who comes between me and the weightroom will be dropped like dead weight. May be not quite but between me and my dumbells is no safe place to lets say... wait for the bus.

I forget but I don't forgive
.. except if consider it smart and funny. I do not issue a pass for anything said in the heat of the moment because that is when your true feelings are revealed but I might forget as time passes. I would expect to be held accountable for everything I say even during heat ... wait that didn't come out right.

The business of truthiness
No I am not the most virtuous person in the world, I am just too lazy to make stuff up. If you are not ready to hear the truth please do not ask the question. I will answer most questions as truthfully as I can.

Scenario 1

Question: Hypothetically would you rather spend time with me or watch NCAA March Madness?

Answer: I will rather watch NCAA March Madness. You I can TIVO, March Madness I cannot TIVO, a true fan would never do that... but you're more than welcome to tag along as Kentucky goes down in the 2nd round to another school named after a Senator.

Scenario 2

Question: Do those jeans make me look fat?

Answer: How is that possible? If you look fat its more than likely that its the fat making you look fat. No?

How is your driving?
I don't think highly of you because I'm with you, I'm with you because I think highly of you. So do not expect me to patronize you. I even sometimes keep my hat on during the national anthem.

Halo Rule
Its okay if I don't always want to be all up in your grille. I have weights to lifts, "Around The Horn" to watch, blogs to write and voids to aimlessly stare into.

Ring leader I am not
I am against engagement rings strictly on principles. If you really want an engagement ring from me and you're unable to talk me out of my principles then I will be happy to show you where they are sold.

On the path most (easily) travelled
Look for me on the path of least resistance especially if such a path does not impose any consequences I consider meaningful. There is no reason to make life any more difficult than it should be.

Search and you shall find
If you voluntarily go out in search of trouble I will not save you from yourself. I am very adept at recognizing the line of questioning that are loaded with booby traps looking to catch a fight. Such conversations usually lead to questions such as. "Lets say I have a little trouble staying off the buffet line and gained 120lbs would you still like me ?". Alright everyone can see the trap, most will avoid it, and say .. "Of course I will honey ... you will always be beautiful on the inside". Instead I will rely on the truthiness doctrine to show me the way. So I would most likely respond as such... "Gaining 120lbs makes you at best arbitration eligible and at worst an unrestricted free agent". If anyone tells you otherwise they have to no regard for the truthiness doctrine. It is my opinion that you should not ask such question unless you mean it as a joke. They are always trouble and nothing else.

By the way, extra points if you understood arbitration eligible is a baseball and hockey reference. 2 gold stars if you have written a thesis on the possible effects of salary arbitration on the NBA and NFL labor landscape.

Thou shall not give
The only thing I dislike more than giving gifts is receiving them especially on the scheduled days such as birthdays and Christmas for a number of reasons. I hate shopping, but I hate making people shop for gifts for me even more. There are not a lot of great gift ideas, when I think of one you will get it but there is no guarantee I will think of one at the scheduled times. When gifts are expected do not expect me to come bearing any. In such a situation, its more of a payment than a gift especially if there are negative consequences for not giving. I do not do payments unless during the free exchange of goods and services. If you would like payments then I suggest you start a business.

Umm... hello?
I will not call you just to say hello or to see how you're doing if there's no apparent reason for either of those. If you fell down a dark well then sure, I will ask how you are doing if you just got back from work and your pupils are appropriately dilated then I see no reason to ask. Also, I usually don't care how your day went as a general rule unless I have reason to believe you have something more to say beyond "fine".

V for Vandetta
Valentine's day is on my personal bubble. It was made up by a diamond cartel to sell more diamonds so I have a slight vandetta against it. However, I am not totally against doing something special on that day. Some years I might do something special, some years I might stay on the sidelines and some years I will completely forget.

A little chilly out today wouldn't you say?
I will not engage in smalltalk for the sake of smalltalk with you as if we just met at the doctor's office. That is stupid ... unless I really wanted to know your opinion on the partly sunny fall afternoon we are both experiencing.

Thoughts on....
I am opinionated, you will need to pack some opinons or else I might be bored by you.

Yes where was I again?
I will forget your birthday or other dates you may consider important. That is guaranteed. I will also forget my own birthday, thats normal. I am a clumsy person, for this I am prosecuted during my everyday life. I think I have a constitutional right to not be prosecuted for the same crime twice.

Shake it!
I love dancing. In the event that you not good at dancing then other qualifying skillz must be present on your resume. For example, the ability to analyze the relationship between the Federal Reserve monetary policy and libor rates while riding a unicycle would suffice.

How much did you say that was again?
I am cheap don't expect that to change when it comes to you.

I certify that I have read and understand the Terms and Conditions expressed above. I understand that violation of the cardinal rule may result in immediate censure without due process. I also waive my right to an appeal if the cardinal rule is broken.

_______________________

Signature

_______________________

Date

Dellusions of the season to you!

If you haven't hit double digits in age it is okay to believe in fairy tales including the one about the gray bearded fat man and his flying sleigh. But what about full grown adults, do they also have their own tales? Tales so powerful that an entire adult population does not dare question. I am referring to the adult fairy tales of the holiday season. According to these scriptures, the season is about shopping, more shopping, gifts and I'll even throw in giving to charity to stir the pot. Who is responsible for these tales? The benefactors of the frenzy of course, as I like the call them, the motivated few. This includes, retailers, uncle Sam, investors and of course homeless people. This group of selfish, greedy bastards have managed to tell us all a very convincing holiday tale, and just like the kids and their fat man stories, we don't just believe the tales we live by it.

We have been informed that the holiday season is the season to spend money on things we either can't afford, and/or don't really need not just for ourselves but for everyone we know to the detriment of ourselves and everyone we know. You can never underestimate the power of an intelligent, motivated few over a herd of gullible idiots. We all individually have to make a choice, am I going to be the motivated few, a gullible idiot or a entertained observer like me.

Did you know that for retailers 25% of all sales and 60% of all profits materialize during the holiday season (the 4 week period between Thanksgiving and Christmas)? Now who is ripping off who with those huge holiday "sales". This is great business for everyone on the receiving ends of the dollars. The gullible idiots just have spend the rest of the year and for some their lives paying for their actions.

I have been on a personal crusade to end those moronic holiday jewelry commercials that do nothing but insult the male and female intelligence. But really I cannot blame the jewelry stores for their holiday marketing strategy because it very effective. 30% of all jewelry sales are made during a 4 week span! This has to be the ultimate in brainwashing because these jewelry stores spend all their holiday ad dollars advertising during sporting events and cordoning off time blocks on Spike TV in an effort to get the male attention. While watching OTL today on ESPN, a 30 minute show, I counted 6 jewelry spots. Well, that's weird because the eventual wearer of the jewelry is not watching OTL on ESPN at 10AM EST. Is there any other product where so much marketing is targeted towards the demo that doesn't use the product in hopes that they purchase it for the demo that does. This would be like selling AARP magazine subscriptions at a Community College. I mean the kids all have grandparents right? There is another argument here about the brainwashing of men in general but you can see my engagement ring rant for that.

So lets talk about that holiday gifting myth. Its the holiday season, a time buy your friends and relatives things they don't really need or want just because that's what you have to do. Where did this nonsense come from? Why has holiday gift shopping talk replaced the weather as the go to smalltalk? Well some say it stems from the 3 wise men presenting gifts to baby Jesus. OK so that explains baby showers. Still doesn't explain the madness that ensues once we put down the turkey leg. It is my theory that most of the madness is not because humans are intrinsically predisposed to want to overspend on other people but because we have been brainwashed into thinking this is necessary and overall a good idea. What % of gifts you received during the crazy season would you admit that a) you will never use or b) you will never purchase at the price that the person paid for it. In economic terms, this results in something called "dead weight loss". Simply explained: Aunt Mary pays $100 for your Adidas sneakers but you're really a Nike guy so the shoes are only with $60 to you, the dead weight loss in this case will be $40.

Part of the problem is that we are not as good at shopping for other people as we think we are. It is very likely that the Clay Aiken CD you got for your cousin isn't worth more than 95 cents to her although she has a smile painted on her face as she realizes its not Hannah Montana. What if you just gave her $16, she will have a Hannah Montana CD and a real smile but the idea of the entire family gathering around the tree to exchange money orders will expose the absurdity of the whole exercise. If you insist on gifts, cash, in my opinion is more reasonable but I am told its cold and uninspired.

Alright, alright, I know... its the sentiment that counts. Gifts bring friends and families closer and that makes up for everything. Its really not about liking or not liking what you get, its the thought that counts. Oh boy have thoughts gotten expensive lately. Americans spend more than $5B attempting to guess what someone else would want every holiday season. The average adult spends more than $1000 on thoughts and the fact that most of that is wasted does not matter. The thought may count for something but the stampede at the mall during the holiday shopping season indicates there's more at work. If it was just the thought that counted then lets go back to exchanging small tokens gifts rich in sentiment and but cheap in price. Hand written letters come to mind but I'm sure there are other cheap options. You probably know of relatives, or may be you are those relatives, who are up to their eyeballs in debt but spend hundreds on Christmas thoughts for the entire family only to turn around and ask for a loan to pay rent in February. Now that's a horrible thought.

I believe we buy expensive gifts first and foremost because we have been coerced into doing so by the motivated few. But there are other factors. First, no one wants to look too cheap, that's just not cool according to the motivated few. Secondly, and more importantly, because the concept of shopping for someone else no matter how close you are to them is more or less like fishing in the dark so we buy something expensive to counteract the bad choices we're about to make. Every year books go unread, and sweaters are involved in laundry "accidents" but the madness goes on.

Now to the pot I stirred earlier. How about giving to the poor? Doesn't that create value for them? Sure it does but most of gifts exchanged are not exactly of this variety. We as a society spend much less on gifts for the have-nots than gifts for the have-much. Every holiday season there are gift drives and food drives for the less fortunate and I always ask myself this. Do poor people eat exclusively during the holiday season? Are they like grizzle bears? Do they gain body fat after Thanksgiving so that they can fast the rest of the year until we remember them again next season or if they're lucky a hurricane sweeps by?

Finally, to my central reason for writing this, I will like to propose a ban on the holiday gifting nonsense for one year ... just one year ... as a trial run to see if a plague would ensue as a result. For once lets all give the gift of love and attention. Lets listen to real needs of the people we love instead of the annual message of the motivated few. For one holiday season, lets eat, drink and enjoy each other's company without filling up the local land fill or creating more business for Guardian Storage across the street. Would it be okay if next year everyone can enjoy the gift of not having to get in debt or get trampled at the mall? Lets change it up all little just for one year.

As one who bleeds capitalism and preaches free pursuit of riches under prevailing laws of the land, I understand the positive impact of the holiday message on the economy and jobs. If we all acted with some rationality, yes there might be a short-term negative effect as the economy reallocates resources but I'm not naive enough to think I can change the nation. However if I can touch one family my job is done. Hence, in your own family group take a minute and reflect on your actions during the holidays. Do you really need to or want to buy/receive all those gifts? What exactly does the holiday spirit mean to you?

Until next time normals ... Merry Christmas to all and to all please shut up!

Reality Check: Isaac takes the Trisha out

As you know, I am an educated 25 year old African (non-American) male, built like a bouncer and a self proclaimed man amongst boys ... with a number exceptions. I am Real World addict, I have a legal admiration of Mylie Cyrus' musical works, an inexplicable infatuation with Kelly Clarkson's music and a very reluctant love for the Britney's new single "Piece of Me". Holy cow I love that song but I really wanna hate Britney just because she appears to be annoyingly idiotic. I hate to say that because that's the job of bully pulpit, high horse riding members of the media but Obi 6'4 230lbs The voice in the Wilderness gets around on low riding ponies so he doesn't criticize.

About that Real World on MTV thing. Hold your stones fellow real men. I can explain. See ... forget it ... alright just don't throw at my head. Done? Moving on ... I haven't missed a show in 5 seasons. I have a Bret Farve streak going here. I even stuck around for the entire Denver season which set me so far back the evolutionary scale that I had a temporary hunch and a mane on my back. I encourage you guys to start watching the show because its a testament to how far humans still have to go in evolutionary terms. I will try to offer a summary on each show going forward. This season we're in Sydney Australia.

Previously on The Real World...
Trisha hits Parisa and exclaims "Dad I just pushed a fat chic!". Stay classy, Trisha, stay classy. Parrisa retaliates by pushing Trisha out of the house. According to Rule 13 Section B Item 7 of your Real World on MTV rule book the fate of the house member who resorts to physical violence shall rest in the hands of the victim. I always carry that rule book and a spork in my back pocket. The spork's handy when free food breaks out unexpectedly but cutlery runs out before the ziti does. Regular occurrence at my college. I digress but please get used to it because I will do that a lot. Sans Trisha, the 2 girls left, Ashli and Kellyann, are pissed at Parisa for apparently being such a big target for physical violence. This is inexplicable because Trisha is the world's most annoying, self-centered, disconnected from reality, and immature bitch even by Real World bitch standards. In what looked like a obvious campaign for the now empty throne of mother bitch Kellyann and Ashli engage in the old tradition of spitting at a glass door while in a drunken stupor. Oh yeah, it was the glass door of the phone room with Parrisa in it. Ha! that should show her.

Now to the week that was...

The Week's Show...
Isaac is back. I love Isaac. I have a man crush on Isaac. He's on my short list for man of the year. He always seems to say exactly what I would say if I found myself on the set of the show. Not surprisingly his response to Trisha leaving was pretty much good riddance, saying to Kellyann .." hell no I don't like Trisha, nobody liked Trisha". Isaac being the man of the year candidate he is gives the other member of "Team Trisha", Ashli, an opportunity to list the redeeming qualities of Trisha. Here's the exhaustive list:

1.Trisha was fun to party with.

The End

Ashli and Kellyann are shown eating at a restaurant and apparently an epiphany was slipped into their drinks. Soon comes a sudden realization by the wicked witches of Sydney that Trisha was worse than most bitches. Now Kellyann wants to literally kiss and make up (or out) with Parisa. To my disappointment it looks like Parisa will forgive her (and yeah also disappointed they didn't make out). I was hoping Parisa would spit at Kellyann. Why do I feel so strongly about that? I need help.

In other developments... Dunbar and Ashli are now spooning every night but Dunbar makes a point to tell Ashli how much he loves his girlfriend, Julie, and doesn't want to cheat on her. Well you idiot then stop spooning Ashli, Dunbass. This is really like lighting a dynamite hooked up to ton of C-4 with all your kids gathered around the explosives to play "lets see who can let the dynamite rope burnt longest without exploding... blindfolded". Sooner or later someone will run out of rope. Predictably, Dunbar ends up boinking Ashli but doesn't tell the girlfriend only saying "You just might hate me... I'll tell you later".

Coming up Next Week

Kellyann and Cohutta might be in a family situation thanks to blown converage in the secondary.

Random Thoughts
Today's random thoughts we'll be focusing on the girls of Real World Sydney. I don't really see a reason to stray from that theme in the coming weeks unless my crush on Isaac has legs.

• Ashli lets face it is not good looking at all, but Dunbar's girlfriend also isn't that good looking so its pretty much a wash for the angry man.




• Am I the only one that noticed how much better looking the girls are during the confessionals than lets say while lying on the bed talking about other roommates? Its night and day my friends. Is this a performance enhancing situation? Is BALCO involved in any way? Did the girls think it was flax seed oil? Do we need asterisk? Too many questions.



• Speaking of performance enhancers, how many push up bras does Kellyann own? I will now hypothesize an answer. Without getting too scientific... assuming she does laundry once a week and only wears clean underwear because a hook up is only a drink away. Then my analysis suggests the number must be around at least 7? No? More? I don't know that might be ....ummmm....pushing it.



• Its many weeks into this debacle (and I mean that in a good way) and I am still undecided on Parisa. Yeah she can be annoying but most times she's the most sane. Anyway the problem really is I am still trying to figure out if she's hot or not. The whole confessional vs. non-confessional look is making this tough but since I have a civil obligation to exercise my suffrage rights, I'd have to go no... all things considered. Face great, rest of the package is listed as questionable.




• Really Isaac makes a point about girls that I have echoed in the past. Girls will break up and make up 1700 times before lunch time any given day. The problem arises when they expect us guys to be on the same schedule.



• Quote of the show... Parrisa to Kellyann while Kellyann was trying to make up with her, "... you did pick (Trisha) over me!". Kellyann's response, "I had to pick somebody" in a very soft almost plaintiff tone. As in "well, I was in a very tough position there so I didn't pick you but now I do". This is why I haven't missed a show in 5 years. Who needs writers? You can't make this stuff up.

Until next time normals... in violence everyone's a loser.

Wait... WTF! There's a cover?!?

BOOK OF RELATIONSHIPS CHAPTER 1 VERSE 1

People of the Normal,

As we go through our journey, my dear normal people, I will share more about my boring but very intriguing self but first I will like to rant about engagement rings. Thoughts like these are one of the reasons I consider myself useless to women ... especially of the normal ... but it doesn't have to be that way.

Yes sexually mature males, there is a cover charge to your own engagment. Not only is there a cover charge you are the DJ, the bouncer and the MC and you better put on a good show. About that cover...

As first reported on "Au Contraire, Mon Fraire!" it is customary for adult males to... how do the kids say it?... pop the question. Women are actually physically unable to do that **Pressing earpiece to ear now** I am being told that is not true. Sorry. Now you might think, "I'm taking on the risk of asking the question that should be enough. I shouldn't need anything else like a fruit basket or even a ring. Well, if I should need something it shouldn't cost more than $15, would it?" No not all you, but just bring the deed to the house just in case its a little over.

But why does it have to be that way? Why spend a mulitple of my monthly earnings on an engagement ring when it doesn't appreciate in value like my high growth mutual fund or pay quarterly dividend like a no growth conglomerate or at the very least turn into fresh baked biscuits when baked for 12 minutes at 375 deg? Why? Who made these rules and why am I subject to those rules in my own private relationship? Is there something in it for anyone besides jewlers?

Thats a lot of question, my men of the normal. Here's what I will do. I will survey ladies of the normal for their thoughts and follow with disparaging rebuttals. I hope I don't reveal the outcome when I say please continue to redirect your 401(k) contributions to the ring fund.


But first my heavily biased commentary on the matter....

For all the reasonable people of the normal out there please take out a calculator and mulitply your monthly salary by 3 .. heck even try 2 or 1 or 0.5. Now how many times have you spent that much money on something that didn't come with a roof and lead paint waivers? OK you get my drift. The concept of engagement rings is just one of those situations where an entire society has created a culture that each of the participants ( or at least half) in said society when individually questioned will in turn question that culture. Lets ignore the financial irresponsibility of it all and the thousands of genocides that blood diamonds have contributed to for a second but lets look at how it reflects on women. As a woman doesn't it make you feel like another discretional spending item.

First on CNBC... The University of Michigan consumer confidence report is down 50 basis points year over year, their lowest levels in 20 months. Experts forecast a deflationary effect on the price of cosumer discretionaries such as electronics, luxury retail and of course women

Speaking of selling out ... lets work the poles... i mean polls.

Here are the popular responses to the query regarding the logic behind expensive engagment rings.

REASON 1
What will people say if I don't have an engagment ring?

DISPARAGING REBUTTAL
"HAHAHA!! You mean you didn't wipe out your savings and jeopardize your financial future in order to buy a piece of over priced bling bling?" That? And who are these people, Ja Rule? Playa please!

REASON 2
Because its a symbol of what I mean to him. A symbol of our love. It shows how much he cares.

DISPARAGING REBUTTAL
Really? You're telling me that the fact that your partner is willing to give up on the chances of ever scoring with the scores of chics you catch him starring at at the mall is not enough to show you he cares? Are you aware Nature's mandate and pretty much every hormone in his body is against your future holy union. People that say blood is stronger than water haven't been introduced to hormones yet and quite frankly need to make time for lunch with Nature. But somehow an expensive ring proves to you he's serious. Are YOU serious?

REASON 3
Well, everyone else does it so he has to ... as a man.

DISPARAGING REBUTTAL
That reason works for things that occur in the public arena where more than 2 people are involved. For example, you can't strike a deal with the manager of a high class restaurant to allow you in in a bathing suit... people are trying to eat, unless you're Jessica Alba in which case its probably the set of "Into the Blue" so thats fine. As the spender if he doesn't think spending 3x salary on a ring is a good idea then why can't a man NOT do it? If women think its a good idea, I'm not exactly sure why they can't purchase one for themselves. May be even 2 to keep up with the Everyone-ses. And if our society is so distraught at the decision not to "wring" out your savings on bling then please offer the following Jim Nance-ian press release "Hello Friends! Mary and I have decided to exchange engagement arts and crafts projects instead of diamond rings. Mary got a quilt and I got the wrong half of a peace sign. I hope you find it in you to excuse our common sense. Thanks".

REASON 4
Because its from my husband-to-be so that makes it really special.

DISPARAGING REBUTTAL
Is it because its something from him or because it was, in advertising terms, brought to you by him? Alright here's a proposal ... no not that proposal. Homeboy will invest his valuable time and energy travelling to Zales to pick out a ring. On the way he will deal with pushy sales people and the disgrace of looking like another drone that caved under pressure to spend 3x salary in jewerly. Only difference is you paid for the piece of jewerly (but he did everything else). You wouldn't even feel a thing... as long as you avoid that priceless December Mastercard bill that is. Would that be okay? No?


I sound like a hater... please don't get me wrong. I really only truly barely hate The Fitness Made Simple Guy and not much else. Women are great... in future blogs I will tell you how great I think they are but they can be irrational. My simple point is this: Why is the whole enslaved by the irrationalilty of half. Take a stand, don't be a drone. When you propose to your man or woman tune down the TV and really take time to tell your partner how much you love them and how spending the rest of your lives together is the only way your's can go on (because really there's a writer's strike in progress). You don't need diamond a ring for that. In all seriousness, try a well crafted engagement peom. Its from the heart, it shows how much you're loved, its special... granted everyone's not doing it.

Until next time normals... don't lose your wallet.

First The Baptism

Hello and welcome to the gospel according to me. Who am I? Obi 6'4 230lbs, The voice in the Wilderness.

A little background, college education was in Texas (Universtity of Texas at Dallas '03) and graduated summa cum claude with a degree in Computer Science. Recently I earned myself a Master's Degree in Information Technology from RPI. Alright I will now put the resume away. But why am I telling you all this? Well, its so you know I am not against EVERYTHING mainstream although this blog will challenge you to hold on to that assessment.

What is this blog about? The better question is what is not about. Its certainly not about anything you've heard before. Its my view on many different issues ranging from relationships, religion, the media, TV, sports, the economy, politics and even health and fitness tips. But again why would you care what Obi 6'4 230lbs, The voice in the Wilderness has to say. Well, I guarantee you you've probably never heard it before and it will make you think or laugh or both.

I write what you're thinking and wouldn't say and I say what you would say if they you weren't thinking. I don't aim to provoke, I hope to enlighten and enpower. My goal is to help you separate your original idea of right and wrong from the adulterated version that has taken over. With every blog entry I will leave with something to think about.

So open your mind, lose your predujices, grab a helmet and pack a lunch because Obi 6'4 230lbs, The voice in the Wilderness is about let you in.... Ready? Lets go!

Allelujah halla back