Thursday, February 14, 2008

February 14th, The Free Man's Thanksgiving

I have recently observed an up tick in jewelry commercials as well as the Vermont teddy bear shadow blocking the collective sense of self of MANkind. This not only indicates that there are about 7 million more weeks of FEMALEkind entrapment ahead but also we must be closing in on Thanksgiving ... The Free Man Thanksgiving: A celebration of the emancipated male!

Who is an emancipated male? Well, it is any male who remains true to himself in the face of the female propaganda and coercion. It does NOT refer to the single guy or to the inability to compromise or even to a woman-hater or gay. No, it’s just a man who knows who he is and is comfortable with his view of the world as different from the female perspective.

This means that if you don't think expensive roses or engagement rings are sensible then the fact that someone else does doesn't make you change your beliefs. It doesn't mean you don't buy them if you want to (hence, compromise) but you never buy into the fact that a thorny red plant or the fossilized version of it is somehow a declaration of undying love.

Females understand this concept. They may aid and abate your illogical infatuation with say... sports ... but they will not however, change their core belief that you have to be an idiot to allow the success/failure of the Redsox dictate your life. But most importantly they only aid and abate your infatuation if and only if they chose to AND on their own time and schedule... after all, its YOUR infatuation, chief!

The fact is that most men who are able to remain true to who they are in the face of female propaganda and coercion are single because there are too many sellouts amongst us that the predators will choose to feed on the abundance of easy prey. These under-evolved idiots have traded their principles for pleasure, they have been water boarded into submission because they are weak at heart and their brains have re-located to the crotch area. Today the few, the proud, (the marines?) can celebrate.

So rejoice free men! Its February 14th, a day we can't help but be thankful. Wake up in the morning and let the air of freedom fill your lungs because you know what?

  • You don't owe anyone a call, and/or corny flowers, and/or dopey chocolate and/or a really elaborate candle lit dinner.
  • You don't have to think of ways to outdo last year's performance
  • ... or just simply come up with something different to write on this year's card
  • There are no "why do you love me?" questions to answer
  • There are no "here's why I love you" poems to write
  • And no one is saying to you ... "read it again but this time looking into my eyes".
  • You can leave your pretence kit at home because you don't get it and this time, that’s okay too.

Today is also a great day to reflect back on your days as an indentured servant. It’s Feb 7th and last year's plan to write a love message on your roof top is still rigged with logistical issues. You're pacing back and forth like a criminal on death row wishing whoever invented Feb 14th would be beheaded by Emperor Claudius II of Rome (yep the saint was rightly beheaded). The last thing you need is another day dedicated to pleasing her. Isn't Monday ... and Tuesday.... and Wednesday ... and Thursday ... and Friday ... and Saturday ... and Sunday enough? You're wondering what day do I get to wreak havoc when I am not swept off my feet with the NFL package all paid for or just simply a day off from serving at her pleasure?

Wake up! and rejoice those days are over. You are not the property of anyone and for that you should be thankful.

So how do we celebrate The Free Men Thanksgiving? ... well if there were rules for celebration then that defeats the entire "free" thing. Free Men Thanksgiving is a celebration of freedom and this includes your freedom to celebrate or not celebrate your freedom anyway you want. So without being too instructive, how about hanging with the boys late into the night on a whim, call your ex-master and break the news to her that she really whines too much, call your other ex-master and tell her her supposedly sexy boots actually looks like a weapon from the middle ages. When you're done, call your mom and tell her she's the best just to even things out.

I will insist that you observe a moment of silence for our brethrens in captivity that know not the joys of free will. As Obi 6'4 230lbs The Voice in the Wilderness, I speak not only for the emancipated few but also the many idiots in captivity. Although if they are lucky they are enjoying certain benefits that are not afforded the emancipated (at least not on a regular basis) but there is very little doubt as to who is really getting the shaft.

Thomas Jefferson once said "I have no fear that the result of our experiment will be that men may be trusted to govern themselves without a master" ... well, that’s right ... he never said anything about a mistress, wife or girlfriend.

Until next time captives ... Be a man! Declare your independence.

Happy Free Men Thanksgiving!

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